I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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