I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
