talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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