On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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