there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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