He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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