Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
