btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
