90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
