In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
