the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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