Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
