is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
