ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
