Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
