Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize