i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
