All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
