Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
