He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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