Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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