You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
