Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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