Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
