why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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