her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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