I have demons in me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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