We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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