I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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