i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
