Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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