by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
