I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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