i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
