cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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