The maid of honor just puked.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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