hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
