hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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