Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
