I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
