pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my being single is dangerous.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
