Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
