It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
