All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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