note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
