Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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