I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
