Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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