I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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