imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
