I got chris browned last night
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
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so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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