all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
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Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
the raccoons are back...
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