Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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