Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
