i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
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