Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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