You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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