mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
