I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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