guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
