I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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