im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
