therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
